Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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