How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
