Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
