apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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