grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
