if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
