there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Your penis caused this!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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