your thong is hanging out like whoa
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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