He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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