Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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