This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
