Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
