i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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