my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
