hotel room ftw
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
