I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize