I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
