i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
