well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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