Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
