If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
