I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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