scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
