Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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