We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
