and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
