Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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