apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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