I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
