You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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