is your mom at the bar?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
