sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
