not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize