Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
