Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
