i think my tv is drunk
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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