but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
