Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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