Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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