i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize