Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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