i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
