White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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