I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
