Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
