This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
