areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize