id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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