TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
