I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
ttyl tear gas
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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