**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
