Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
