I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
