Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
