yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
