Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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