if you like me you must not know who I am
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
