if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
