the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
