If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize