Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
