The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
