just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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