we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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