They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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