his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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