I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
smell my finger.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
