The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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