so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
