So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
God I need to hump something, right now.
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