I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
