Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
