The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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