brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
