Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize