I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
