What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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