Little spoons don't ask big questions
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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