Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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