.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
