what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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