there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
