he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
