I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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