i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
