It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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