Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize