sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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