I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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