i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
