You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
