Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i love accidental penises.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
