that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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