those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
