we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
