to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
