THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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