you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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