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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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