The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
