I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
