first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
