So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
