Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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