umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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