Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
