Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
