party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
